Ozzily Yours

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Anthropomorphic = fine; Suicidal = not so much

In the mid-'90s, M&Ms had a commercial featuring M&M boot camp. It was old-school, hand-drawn animation, and featured the individual Ms going through their paces - obstacle courses, getting yelled at by higher-ups, etc. - before their final endeavor of leaping into the candy coating. The M&Ms were all insanely enthusiastic about passing these tests and making it through boot camp. I found this commercial incredibly disturbing.

This led many of my friends to ascribe to me a distaste for anthropomorphised food. Incorrect. I love anthropomorphised food! My college life was undeniably improved by the Happy Dancing Cupcake Man and Mr. M&M Man, among others. No, what disturbed me was that these M&Ms were going all out for what was indisputably a suicide mission. I don't know if they were promised 74 M&M virgins or what, but it was creepy and wrong.

This came to mind this evening when, as he ate his dinner, I heard Calvin singing, "It's my turn, it's my turn." I absent-mindedly asked, "Why is it your turn, buddy?" "No," he exclaimed, "HE'S saying it's HIS turn!" He pointed delightedly at the pear slice in his hand and then popped it in his mouth, beaming. Then he picked up the next pear slice, which also immediately began singing, "It's my turn!"

Some days I really do think the kid was preconfigured to mess with me.


  • Let's all go to the lobby, let's all go to the lobby, let's all go to the lobby, to get ourselves a treat!

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 8/25/2011 12:20 AM  

  • Agreed. Talking food is not the problem, it's talking food that wants to be eaten. Remember the potato who was all depressed because she wasn't good enough to be made into fries? Fucked up.

    Also, your child sounds a bit like a sociopath.

    By Blogger Adam807, at 8/25/2011 6:31 AM  

  • Clearly the pear wanted to go to the party, the party in Calvin's tummy.

    Also, I think most toddlers are a bit like sociopaths.

    By Blogger melz3000, at 8/25/2011 12:41 PM  

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